Dear Kids:

You know that Santa loves you, right? And he would never want to see anything bad happen to you?

Good. Then please take Santa’s advice, now that you’re in the working world.

Your employer may be throwing a “holiday party” this month. There may be a nice dinner, a gift exchange, games, music, and alcoholic beverages because “we’re all family here” and “our associates are our most important asset.”

You may, somewhat justifiably, take that as an invitation to “be yourself” for an evening, and to drink and carry on all you want.

Take it from Santa: Don’t.

This week, the “Dear Jane” column in the Daily Mail had a very sad letter from a young woman. (The linked material is suitable for work – despite the clickbait headline, it doesn’t sound like the letter writer did anything “obscene.” Imprudent, yes. Obscene, no.)

The letter writer had been hired about a year before her employer’s first holiday party. The night before the party, her boyfriend of three years unexpectedly broke up with her. She was depressed, so she went to the work party the next night (Mistake No. 1) and, because it was making her feel better, she drank like a fish (Mistake No. 2). Then, after having lost her inhibitions, she started making out with a cute guy she worked with and had been innocently flirting with for the past year (Mistake No. 3). In full view of all of her new colleagues.

To her credit, she didn’t go home with her cute coworker. (Good Decision No. 1) But the next morning she woke up with “hangxiety” about her future with the company. Although she found the coworker attractive, she felt it was too early to get into a relationship with someone else so soon after her breakup with her boyfriend. (Good Decision No. 2)

The cute coworker graciously called her the day after and said he’d had a good time at the party. It wasn’t clear whether he was interested in returning to their old work relationship or in starting something more serious.

Meanwhile, the letter writer believes she may have ruined her nice, safe, semi-platonic relationship with the cute coworker and ruined her standing at work. And she may be right.

It could be that the letter writer’s coworkers were all as drunk as she was, in which case they may not have paid any attention to her carryings-on. (Or thought, “Good hire! She'll fit right in!” Or, at least, “Why don’t those two get a room? Anyway, like I was saying, I still need to buy a present for my impossible Aunt Velveeta, and I’ve been to every store in town plus Amazon, and I can’t find a thing.”)

But it’s also possible that several attendees may have abstained from alcohol or limited themselves to one or two drinks, and so were very capable of assessing her and her coworker’s behavior. And, worse, it is possible that one or more of these relatively sober attendees did not approve.

Our poor letter writer will just have to wait and see what the job-related consequences will be, and her anxiety is likely to continue while she waits.

To prevent any of the rest of you from going through what the letter writer went through, Santa is giving you three friendly tips about workplace parties. If you follow these, you’ll get your Red Ryder range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time instead of a lump of coal.

No. 1: Treat your workplace parties as “work.” Never forget that every workplace event – even if it’s called a “party” – is “work.” Most people are well aware of this when they’re in meetings and other settings where business is being handled or discussed. But the words “party” or “social” can mislead many employees, especially those who are new to the workplace. They may believe that regular party rules, or the lack thereof, apply. They don’t. In other words, at any workplace function – including an event called a “party” – you should always keep your wits about you. You can still have a good time, but save the real partying for events with your friends and relatives.

No. 2: Since a workplace party is “work,” watch your consumption of substances that might cause you to loosen up. If your friends throw a kegger, and you get drunk and do something foolish, it is no big deal as long as you didn’t try to drive yourself home. But the same does not apply if you’re at a workplace party. If you are able to drink moderately, limit yourself to two drinks for the evening. If you are one of those people who has trouble stopping once they get started, abstain. Sparkling water with a wedge of lime is a refreshing alternative. Or diet pop.

Also, even though Santa is specifically referring to alcohol, the same principle applies to consumption at workplace parties of any mind-altering substances, including marijuana and THC-based products.

No. 3: Skipping the party might be a good option, as long as you don’t do it too often. If, like our letter writer, you are going through a difficult situation that might make you feel tempted to drink more than you normally would, then consider skipping the workplace party altogether. Sometimes skipping a workplace party is frowned upon*, but if you normally attend and have to miss just this one – or if you have a good excuse for not going – it is not likely to be a career-killer. (Becoming intoxicated and foolish at a party could be.)

*Warning from Santa to employers: If attendance at your office party is mandatory or "strongly expected," you will almost certainly be required by law to pay nonexempt employees for their time in attendance. Also, if you have nonexempt employees who do any "work" associated with the party (setting up, cleaning up, tending bar, etc.), that is time worked and must be paid.

No. 4 (BONUS): If you need one, feel free to ask for a reasonable accommodation. Alcoholism is a “disability” within the meaning of the federal Americans with Disabilities Act and many state disability rights laws. If you need to skip a party where alcohol is served for this reason, you should be allowed to do it as a reasonable accommodation, with no negative consequences for your career, even if the employer generally “expects” employees to attend. Under Title VII and many state fair employment practices laws, an employer would also be required to allow an employee to skip a workplace party if the employee’s religious beliefs preclude attendance.

On the other hand, if your employer is this guy's law firm, you can ignore everything Santa just said:

Love,

Santa Claus

XXXOOO